Why do I feel so guilty?

Whether you are a new mum or pregnant nobody warns you about the feeling of Mum guilt. Now I am going back to work this had hit me harder than ever and it really does bring your mood down. It’s pretty shit to be honest and the last week I’ve been hell to live with and in an awful mood!

I was already the sort of person who felt guilty if I stayed in bed too late at the weekend, left work a little earlier than normal or spent some of my savings on something other than what I was saving for. Becoming a Mum just made these feelings even stronger and I started to feel guilty about leaving Amelia with anyone but me, buying stuff for myself rather than Amelia and even watching a program for myself in the background.

Mums out there need to know that we need time to ourselves and need to make sure we are happy. I definitely do not do this and said at new year I would. I started back at the gym which gave me some me time but my car broke down, then we were all ill and I’ve just never gone back. This week I will!!

Yes baby is a number one priority but we must also make sure we look after ourselves. 10 months into motherhood and I’m still struggling with this and my first week at work has shown me a whole new level of guilt. I knew that Amelia was with my mum for my first day as she doesn’t start nursery for another week and she stays with Liam Thursday & Friday as they’re his days off but not being at home with her has killed me. I was sent pictures and videos to keep me going and I know going to work means we can go on holidays, days out and just have money to treat ourselves but at the same time I’m losing out on that extra time with her. It’s a tricky situation but it had to be made…

I won’t lie living off one wage has made some of these feelings tougher as the little money we do have I don’t feel should be spent on me. I’ve said before I was ‘skint’ when really I had a few hundred pound in my savings which I just didn’t want to spend. I am now actually skint and cannot wait for my first wage at the end of the month since my maternity pay ended in February! Even when you have little money it is still ok to treat yourself, it’s ok to treat little one and it’s ok to treat the other half. As long as you are all happy, fed, watered and a roof above your head you can treat yourself. If worst comes to the worst and you need the money that use to be in savings, if you were lucky enough to have some, then people will be there to help you. If something is needed then loved ones will not let you go without. Nobody wants to see there friends or family struggling, I certainly wouldn’t.

Not enough mums talk about there our wellbeing and there mental health. Personally I feel this is because we do not want to be judged or it to look like we are struggling. I have good days and I have bad days. Some days I think I needed that cuddle off Amelia more than she did. I’m hoping the feeling of Mum guilt will be easier to deal with as the months pass. I can hope? For now I will treasure the time we do have together and as long as we both have smiles on our faces (most of the time) I will keep plodding along.

One final point from me, and something I need to remind myself daily, is that it is ok to cry and it is ok to ask for help. If your a friend of mine, someone who reads my blogs or new here, drop me a message anytime and we can talk away. We all need friends and people by our sides. Don’t forget… We’re all winging it and we’re all in this together!

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